my formal apology

I have become a lag texter.


There are people who i love the most who will text me or IM me and I will read the text, smile, think about what i should txt back, then completely forget to txt them back. It's not that I don't want to talk to you, but instead I am selfish and I wait till it's a convenient time for me to txt you back. Yet, my new friends here at SDSU get VIP treatment at my texting skills, and i don't get it. these people i have just met. I have to change that about me. From now on, i am going to pay more attention to the people I love and who love me the most. so, I'm sooo sorry.

Today my sister txted me asking if i could call her sometime tonight cuz she missed my voice. Not only did i txt her back 3 hours later, but I also forgot to call her. And when I did she was fast asleep and I woke her up. I felt so shitty. I love my sister more than anything in the world and I couldn't even step aside to give her a call?? college is really messing with my brain. I'm sorry.

I got to see anaoshak, kelsy, and nikhil this weekend. I don't think I'll ever find that good of relationships here at SDSU. But, seeing them made me miss home so much. I want to go home. I miss Willy.

Momma,

I think i'm going to be okay. i'm making friends. my room is looking better. i'm not as lonely anymore. i'm more independent. this is my whole new life.

I watch the beautiful sunset from my roof everyday. And saw a shooting star last night. Momma i miss you, but no need to worry any longer.

Love,
your baby girl

please

take me home.
i don't want to be here.





but there's nothing really to go back to.

3rd night

okay before i start to vent, first i'm going to do a pluses and minuses chart

(+)
______
practically 80% white
gorgeous men
freedom to eat what you want
sleep at anytime you want
a lot of people, so if you get sick of someone..go hang out with someone else
very good professors so far
really really nice gym andd free!


(-)
_____
boys don't acknowledge you unless you are wearing short shorts n tight shirts
campus is so huge i already have blisters on my feet
i don't have snacks
i have only met one genuinely nice guy so far, and that's cuz he has a gf and is not just trying to hook up with me
everyone is high or drunk when it hits 8:00 pm
i already arrived 30 minutes late to a class of 20 students on my first day of class
I left without saying bye (i'm so sorry, you know who you are)
my roomates boyfriend is super ugly
already had a alcohol poisoning incident, a drug bust, and an arrest just in my hall
every morning i wake up and am so angry that i'm still here

i guess that was my sort of venting...my roomate just walked in, guess it's time to go to bed.

screw college.

I am not Pro America

I made a new friend today. Her name is Michella. She has only been in America for 3 weeks and leaves Monday. After hanging out with her at the beach all day, I proceeded to ask her a million and one questions.

Michella is from Italy but works in Rome and goes to school in Rome. Me being the nerd asked her how the school system was in Rome, and she said it was awful. Since there are so many people in Rome and they don't want to decline anyone from an education, in each lecture hall there are only 70 seats for 200 students. She used to have to go to school an hour early to get a seat but now she gladly just sits on the floor for 2 hours. This made me mad.
She works at a restaurant but in the European culture, they don't tip. So, she gets noooo tip after serving like 100 tables a day. This also made me mad.
She has already bought 5 pairs of jeans cuz Levi's over there are $150 a pair. yikess..i told her to buy like 50 pairs and go black market them over in Europe..but I forgot that's kind of illegal. oh well.
I had to ask the most cliche question, and ask if the men over there are perfect? and she said, compared to here they are like Gods. hehe. she then went on to explain to me that the guys in America are nothing in comparison to her tall dark and handsome European men, which made me kind of sad...
When I asked her about the Vatican and meeting the Pope, she waved her hand, made a smug look, and said "no, not interest me."

so even though she kept saying America is the land of opportunity. I took the opportunity to say no it's not(:
Although Europe may have its flaws, I want to go there. SOOOO BADLY. I wish Michella could hide me in her suitcase

i'm a winner again

and i owe it all to you, and you, and you, and you.
my summer may have sucked, but the last few weeks i'm loving it!

hawaii in 4 days!

I looked in the mirror today, but for once it wasn't to check myself out. Instead I saw this scared scrawny 18 year old girl using all of her strength to hold upright an 88 year old naked woman in her arms. The used to be bright excited eyes of the 18 year old went stone cold when she realized that this woman trusted her with her body and her safety.












...when I don't even trust myself.