Sunday, July 26, 2009

hello again

I met an old friend yesterday. At first I didn't know how to greet this friend. Should I hug him? Should I act like nothing has changed and just embrace the fellow? Should I start asking questions and wonder where he went without contacting me? Should I be angry and reject this friend?
But, then I realized, that this friend makes me feel so good about myself. This friend compliments me and makes sure there is a permanent smile on my face. This friend always always made sure I had a good day. The past two nights my old friend has helped me sleep so well, I just want to thank him.
Oh Mr. Happiness, don't leave me ever again.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

like a movie

After going to SDSU orientation and being split up into our majors, I respectfully introduced myself to the girl next to me. Her name was Hannah. After the seminar we went our separate ways thinking nothing more of each other. After everything was done and we were to meet back up with our parents my mom introduced me to an aunt i haven't seen in 14 years. Then walks up Hannah the girl I sat next to, we say hello then it clicks. SHE'S MY COUSIN. We gave each other veryyy confused looks then we embraced in a ginormous hug, one that you give to people who you haven't seeen in a veryyyy long time, and accepted this new relationship without another question.
Then I realized, I have a beautiful, smart, non partying cousin who is going to my school!! This is a great great start. It should be a movie(:

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Big Purple Chair

Secrets were shared, Anger was expressed, Advice was given, Laughter was heard all while sitting in the big purple chair. A new lifelong friendship was created(:

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

reoccuring dream

I keep having this dream that there is a huge tidal wave coming toward my village and the funny thing is i'm not scared at all. In fact I am so excited. I think they are beautiful. I just grip onto the nearest pole or house or anything and just let it wash right past me. I survive the tidal wave(:

Sunday, July 12, 2009

my interests

I think the best form of hanging out is laying beneath a tree and reading a book. You don't need to talk. There is no form of gossip or worry.

so if anyone would like to join me next time, just let me know(:

Saturday, July 11, 2009


As I sat at dinner, I realized that I was looking at a clear reflection of me. This beautiful smart young lady. But, she wasn't happy. It seemed that she hadn't felt happiness in a long time. Her smile lasted a few seconds but then faded away. He would try and make her happy, but it looked hopeless. As I sat and stared at my plate of food that looked absolutely amazing, I lost my appetite. I wanted my reflection to be happy, because then maybe just maybe I would somehow be happy.

I'm not going to parties/hangouts/grad parties where there are a lot of high school peers anymore. I graduated from high school and one thing I am happy about is that I don't have to see certain people who I don't like everyday anymore. I don't do well in groups. I feel even more alone.

Today at the beach, it was ridiculously crowded and as I laid my towel down, I just felt self conscious. I didn't like it. Even as I tried to tune everyone out, I still felt like everyone could hear my thoughts and my insecurities.

I don't like people, and I'm okay with that.

Friday, July 10, 2009

lifelong friends

There are certain people in my life that no matter what I do, no matter how I look, no matter how I feel they will always be my friends. I am so lucky to have them. I want to keep them around me as long as possible.

Sitting with Ms. Gibb and Michael today at lunch, I didn't want the time to end. We were laughing till we were crying and we didn't care that people were looking at us. I'm going to miss them so much next year. These are the memories I will hold onto when I have a bad day, or I feel alone in college. I will remember that I have people like them in my life that I can always run back to or call up when I feel awful.

Thank you friends, all of you.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

I heard her in the kitchen

I heard her in the kitchen.
The clock showed 5:45
as orange juice was being poured
and eggs were being cooked.

She used to be selfish,
Now she's puts herself second.
Her sleep comes after his,
even if they go to bed at the same time.

I heard her in the bedroom.
The clock showed 6:00
as she woke up her man.
She whispered to me,
"he's not happy."
That was my cue to act like I was asleep.
Didn't want to be a bother.

Back in the kitchen,
bacon was sizzling.
She cooked meat.
She didn't eat meat,
but she cooked it.
For him.

She was proving to him that she was capable,
of being a wife,
a mother,
a fantastic girlfriend.
She was proving to me that she was capable,
of being an adult,
a cook,
a sister to look up to.
She proved to herself that she was capable.

I heard her in the kitchen,
hushing her kitten,
telling him not to bother Daddy.
I knew in a couple years,
I would be hearing the same thing.
Hushing her little baby.

I heard her kiss him goodbye,
hoping that that one kiss would last 10 hours.
I laid with my eyes closed,
as she went back into the kitchen,
poured herself a glass of orange juice,
and started the dishes.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

My 4th of July

quotes to remember..
"TARA! Last night I had a night dream!"
"And then there was this big herd coming toward us, and there was Fairooz"
"It's Purple Rain Bitches"
"If anyone wanted to piss off America they would tamper with fireworks on the 4th of July"
"That smoke cloud is in the shape of a penis!"

Huntington Beach is thee place to be on 4th of July. I will make it a tradition. Bike riders took up entire car lanes that the cars could not get around us. Drunk people in red white and blue sat on the house walls cheering each time someone honked at them. Random water balloons flew out of the air attempting to hit the nearby pedestrian. So much noise, so much drinking, so much joy, so manyy people! It didn't matter where you sat on the beach to watch the fireworks, but being with 4 of the most fun people in the world I knew I had the best seat in the house. I was completely mesmerized for the entire 30 minutes of the firework show. And going back to Hauge's and baking brownies and drinking milk I couldn't have asked for a better ending.

My 4th of July beats your 4th of July(=

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

check out these songs


I am only writing them down so I don't forget them. Listen. To be continued....

Drake - Best I've Ever Had
Black Eyed Peas - Missing You
Black Eyed Peas - I gotta feeling
Black Eyed Peas - Imma Be
Keri Hilson - Knock You Down
Young Boss - Shooting Star
Eric Prydz - Call on Me (don't recommend this video..but b/c i say this..i know some will watch)
Damien Rice- Cannonball

favorite lyrics:
"And I don't think you're beautiful
I think you're beyond it" Lil Wayne - Every Girl