Saturday, July 11, 2009


As I sat at dinner, I realized that I was looking at a clear reflection of me. This beautiful smart young lady. But, she wasn't happy. It seemed that she hadn't felt happiness in a long time. Her smile lasted a few seconds but then faded away. He would try and make her happy, but it looked hopeless. As I sat and stared at my plate of food that looked absolutely amazing, I lost my appetite. I wanted my reflection to be happy, because then maybe just maybe I would somehow be happy.

I'm not going to parties/hangouts/grad parties where there are a lot of high school peers anymore. I graduated from high school and one thing I am happy about is that I don't have to see certain people who I don't like everyday anymore. I don't do well in groups. I feel even more alone.

Today at the beach, it was ridiculously crowded and as I laid my towel down, I just felt self conscious. I didn't like it. Even as I tried to tune everyone out, I still felt like everyone could hear my thoughts and my insecurities.

I don't like people, and I'm okay with that.

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