Friday, March 20, 2009

I am here

I am here. I am in the safe zone. I don't want to let anyone in who hasn't been there before. I am in my own little safe zone. I feel safe here. I know what tomorrow brings me. I know what the next week brings me. Every 2 weeks I know what to expect. Every single God given day I know what will be there for me. Those hugs bring me to safety. Those kisses protect. Those familiar faces are my shield.

But is this bubble I have created for myself really healthy? It's not like me. I have always been the one to be spontaneous and stupid, and wild, and not know what the next day will bring. Is this good? Am I satisfied? Am I becoming like my sister, and if a routine is broken then I will cry about it? I hate routines. Too much memorization. Too many boundaries and restrictions.

Lately, something has been missing in my life. But, I don't want to leave my little safe zone to go and find it. Maybe, that's what college is for. To branch out of the familiar zone that you have created for yourself, and go into the hazard zone. But, I don't want to. I love this zone. This zone is my friend. Well at least I think it is. Lately, I have been second guessing myself. I hate that. It really is a flaw in me.

I hate this feeling.

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