Runner

You run when things get hard,
And you look the other way,
Not even thinking,
Of those you really scarred,

You run when the beauty is all gone,
Because you seem to find better,
More attractive, younger,
And immediately you are withdrawn,

You run where there is fun,
Work and family stress you out,
You're tied down to life,
So you free yourself and come undone,

You run when you're scared,
You run with no care,
You run because you're a coward,
You run to feel empowered,

You run out of our lives,
Into someone elses,
Until you get bored with them too.

happy new years!

i think possibly the stars have lined up and the world is finally right again!!!
i have my Clyde<3
i have my amazzzzinngggg friends.
i have a healthy family.
what more could i ask for???

i seee another fantastic year ahead for us all. let's live it up!!!

it's hard dating a Jew

I cannot pronounce Hanukkah to save my life!
oh wait, he spells it Channukah.
i just looked it up, and it could be either! what the heck!?
I'm going over to his family's house to light the menorah a few nights, and his dad sent lyrics to some songs they are going to sing for me to learn.
Oi vey.
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer was hard enough to learn...
AND I have to watch what I say! for example...
Me: "mmmm, doesn't it smell like Christmas?"
Elan: "i don't know what Christmas smells like, but I know what Starbucks smells like around Hanukkah/Channukah though, and if that's Christmas...then i like it!"

hehe..I hope everyone caught my sarcasm..because I really like dating a Jew...especially this Jew in particular(:

Happy Chrismikkah!
(i should steal Mitchell's shirt)

this feeling

a lot of emotions occurred this weekend. love, affection, desire, anger, frustration, depression, homesickness, happiness, complete joy, and loneliness. it was a roller coaster. but i survived. this break was just what i needed to realize a lot of things.

to my girls, you are my everything.
to my family, you're crazy..but someone has to put up with you.
to the hybrid, i miss you arleady.


pineapple is still my favorite fruit.

drivingggg

drivinggg. drivinggggggggg. i was bornnn tooooo driveee. i already made my first driving cd, and damn it's excellent.

driving at night is even better than day time. the lights are captivating.

thank you mister stevens SOOOOOOOOO much <3

note on the door

i'm pretty sure within the next ten years, i will be diagnosed as being bipolar. I wish i was joking. This disease runs in my family very heavily and it's pretty obvious why. After my roommates pageant I was so happy, I was laughing, making jokes with all my friends, but then I walked back to my room and everything changed. I have had this ongoing headache for this whole week and took the most incredible nap today, i hope i'm cured.

but anyway. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I have good friends here, i have a lot of food, i have my own bed, but gah damn i can be so unhappy sometimes. Anyway, after reading and moping around for a good hour and a half i finally get my lazy ass to take a shower. After my shower is complete, my RA (Leanna) says that she left a note on the door for me and we say goodnight and leave the restroom.

I was expecting a little hello on my whiteboard, but instead I got a handwritten note taped to my door folded up so it's only for my eyes. It asks me how i am and how my classes are. Then she says, you are not alone, if you ever need anyone I am a great listener :D

Thank you Leanna, you may have just saved a young girl from having bad dreams tonight. Sleep well my friend.

big blurr

the past few weeks have been a big blur here in san diego. but, this weekend my best friend came to stay with me. for some reason i was really nervous that she wouldn't have fun or she would be different or i wouldn't be a good host. i don't know what i was worried about. even though we had such a hectic crazy weekend running around to all these different places and seeing so many familiar faces, when it came to bedtime and it was just me and her in the twin size bed, everything slowed down. time stopped. and it was back to two little girls sharing secrets until they fall asleep.

i didn't realize how many oxford alumni are in san diego from all graduating classes. i have really grown to love this city.

why do it?

i'm very lucky to have found my little group of friends here at sdsu who are absolutely amazing influences on me. we can actually sit around and talk about politics, God, the end of the world, parallel universes, movies, literature, and not once mention a party where we got "shitfaced." i always had a problem with drinking because of my brothers, but now, i oppose it so much that it physically hurts me when i hear about how many people on a daily basis abuse this substance. why can't we enjoy drinking? don't binge drink, or just drink to get drunk. I hate alcohol because the way people use it, that doesn't mean when I'm 21 i won't drink, i actually plan on it, but please children, only a few more years to wait, what's the hurry?

maybe the black sheep just wanted to be like the blue sheep.

ouch!

moral of the story: love hurts? beauty comes with a price? can't touch pretty girls without getting an std? learn karate?

u ever feel like you are missing out on something important?

bamboo

A good friend told me that happiness takes strength, and I thought it was such a great quote. But, in actuality it is really shitty. Happiness should be easy, simple, equal, plentiful, and most of all you shouldn't have to try so hard for it.

I really miss my best friend. I really miss my sister. I really miss my mom. I really miss the feeling of eternal optimism.

4 seconds away seems like it's across the universe.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh

i walk in on my roommate on top of yet another boy. i can't describe the anger i feel right now. this isn't how it's supposed to be.

please read the following childrens book

The saddest bear of all





(i need a hug)

a broken slinky

as i was taking the elevator back up to my dorm about 20 minutes ago, i literally said "holy fuck, I don't want to be here"

even though san diego is only 2 hours away, it might as well be cross country. going home and seeing family and friends made me feel so loved. i love being loved. gahhhhhhhh. Tara, you can do this.

good thing I didn't go to Chicago.




The pineapple never tasted sooooo sweet. <3

Harold and Kumar

So, yesterday was probably my biggest adventure of all time.
I hopped on the tram in the general direction of UCSD. Got off at the tram station. Asked which bus took me to University of San Diego. (see a problem?) Got on Bus 40. got off in front of USD. uh oh. wrong University. Called Amelia who came to my rescue and took me to UCSD. then spent the entire day with Priya, Vishal, Albert, and Raghav. SOOO much dang fun. never a dull moment even when we sat at a bus stop for 20 minutes till we finally realized that that bus didn't run on the weekends. Raghav didn't eat anything but a waffle all day, and Vishal only had a granola bar, so they were starving. It took us 2 hours to get to Islands, but once we got there it was sooooo worth it. We feasted like kings!!

Then we made it back to campus and explored the Graffiti hallway and found the BIG CHAIR(:

i loveddd seeing familiar faces and finally shared stories that we all could relate too.

I'm coming home next weekend!
it's been 5 weeks since i've been home. i think that's long enough for me to be an adult. here i comee mommma!!!

Sexiled

For those who read I Am Charlotte Simmons, I am reliving that book. I'm not even kidding. Except I'm not getting so depressed that I feel like I have to go to parties and meet frat boys and drink. But, besides that EVERYTHING is the same. it's crazy. The first few weeks of Charlottes life at Dupont her roommate asked her to leave the room so she could have some fun with a boy she just met. Instead of being asked, I walked in on my roommate and a boy fooling around on her bed (the boy was NOT her bf) and politely escorted my way out. Therefore I was SEXILED. the urban dictionary definition is:

	when you cannot go in your room because your roommate is having sex "man, i'm sexiled for the whole night, can i crash at your place!"

So, there I was, it was 1 o'clock in the morning and I had a class at 8 a.m. I texted my roommate saying when the coast is clear go ahead and text me because I'm down in the common area and may fall asleep. I waited until 2:30 a.m until i finally just knocked on my door and went inside to find them both SLEEPING. She didn't even have the decency to call me. hahaha.

oh college.

Tonight I won 3 games of Ninja against a group of 23 people. I AM NINJA CHAMPION!!!

what is your reality?

out on the roof of my dorms I was making a friend. He asked me how I'm liking college and all that small talk, but then he asked how I liked being in the real world?
This isn't reality to me. This is an incredible, annoying, spontaneous, sleepless, and exciting situation I'm in. But, this isn't the "real world." In the real world there is no such thing as "Thirsty Thursday" where flocks and flocks of freshmen in skanky outfits walk to a frat house. In the real world there wouldn't be ninja competitions every Tuesday night at 9 p.m. What I'm trying to get at is this whole college thing isn't the real world but instead it is it's own little world. We have created this world with its own status quo's, dress codes, and lingo.
But, I figured out how to get away from this world.
My reality is calling up Mr. Stevens and telling him how much I miss him as he brags about his completed waterfall. My reality is getting text messages from Mr. Barela and Ms. Gibb telling me that they are thinking about me. My reality is my cat biting an electrical cord and foaming from the mouth for 2 days. I know this world doesn't sound as exciting as the world I'm living in right now but I want to go back to that world. I used to say "tara is the world" but that's so silly. What a lonely life that would be.

inspired by the informant!

when polar bears are waiting by the water to grab fish they cover their black noses so they blend in with the white ice. how the helll do they know that their noses are black? do they look at other polar bears and are like, holy crap their noses are black that means mine must be too. Or do they check them self out in the reflection of the water and see their nose and automatically cover it because they know that they will be seen by the fish? polar bears are smartttt mammals.

my formal apology

I have become a lag texter.


There are people who i love the most who will text me or IM me and I will read the text, smile, think about what i should txt back, then completely forget to txt them back. It's not that I don't want to talk to you, but instead I am selfish and I wait till it's a convenient time for me to txt you back. Yet, my new friends here at SDSU get VIP treatment at my texting skills, and i don't get it. these people i have just met. I have to change that about me. From now on, i am going to pay more attention to the people I love and who love me the most. so, I'm sooo sorry.

Today my sister txted me asking if i could call her sometime tonight cuz she missed my voice. Not only did i txt her back 3 hours later, but I also forgot to call her. And when I did she was fast asleep and I woke her up. I felt so shitty. I love my sister more than anything in the world and I couldn't even step aside to give her a call?? college is really messing with my brain. I'm sorry.

I got to see anaoshak, kelsy, and nikhil this weekend. I don't think I'll ever find that good of relationships here at SDSU. But, seeing them made me miss home so much. I want to go home. I miss Willy.

Momma,

I think i'm going to be okay. i'm making friends. my room is looking better. i'm not as lonely anymore. i'm more independent. this is my whole new life.

I watch the beautiful sunset from my roof everyday. And saw a shooting star last night. Momma i miss you, but no need to worry any longer.

Love,
your baby girl